Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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