1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize