If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I party with great urgency now.
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