Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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