I wish i was in the wii world.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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