its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
