I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
