mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
