I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Please don't give away my fajitas
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
