How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
