Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
