sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
