go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
