it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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