Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
