happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
