Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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