Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
