I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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