after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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