Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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