You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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