I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
