I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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