I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
