giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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