it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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