Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
