The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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