My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
