conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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