I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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