All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
