Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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