If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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