Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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