I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
