there was a trapeze. enough said
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
