I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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