So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
