Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize