Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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