Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
