discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
