last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
