I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I want a musical about memes.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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