dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
