just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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