He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
