The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You ate ashes out of my bong
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
