What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
