My Higher Power is John Stamos
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My vagina just recognized that song.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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