who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
