5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
