I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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