I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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