Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Success! We fucked roommates!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
