**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
