fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I AM VODKA MAN
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
God I need to hump something, right now.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
