marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
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