those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
