You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
