when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
