The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
