So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm getting married
To pizza
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
