Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
