Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
