Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
