You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize