i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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