4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
