I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
