Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
