ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
