Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
