If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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