Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
